Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Where my friends at?

Jim and I, on almost a weekly basis, lament the fact that we "have no friends". This of course is not entirely true. We both have groups of friends from high school we spend time with on a fairly regular basis. And we have mutual college friends who we only keep in touch with on Facebook but mostly as a result of geographic proximity to one another. 

So here is our personal ad for our NEW friends:

Married White Heterosexual Couple seeking another married couple (with no preference to race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation) in local area who is looking for a good time. Couple must have children, preferably boys, one who is in grade school and the other, a toddler. Couple should enjoy great food and drinks without passing judgement on how much of either is consumed. Additionally, one member of the couple should work full time and enjoy sports, video gaming, and playing guitar and the other one should be a stay-at-home parent who likes yoga, cooking, and fucking around on the computer instead of doing housework. Ideally, our couple will be well educated but not arrogant, financially stable but not too wealthy or too poor, open minded but not so much so that they freak our kids out, think that Fox News and the Tea Party are destroying our country and that God, if he does exist, thinks all of life is just one big practical joke. 

 Am I being too picky? 

But seriously, THIS. This is why it is so hard for people in their thirties to make new friends. Why do we have all these requirements? Why was it so much easier when we were younger to meet new people? Sure, some are just realistic because it's much easier to get to know someone when they have similar, relateable interests. And it sure doesn't hurt when our kids can play together without destroying each other or our houses so we can have some time to think and act like adults. 

Maybe it's because we don't have the energy or patience that is required to cultivate new friendships, so the first time a hint of discord comes up between the families, we give up. We throw in the towel and say "Oh, they must not be worth spending our precious little free time on". So instead, we end up spending that time alone. We certainly make allowances for family, despite the fact that they often do not fit into our ideal couple/family image. And we make time for old friends in the same way. Why can't we do it for new ones?

Anyone want to be our friend?


Thursday, March 6, 2014

Lame stuff old people (and me) talk about

So I haven't written anything in a while because when you are in the midst of a ceaseless illness that you down right refuse to see anyone in the medical profession about, you don't really feel like sharing. Well today, my friends, I put on my big girl panties and when to see the gastroenterologist. And was, in turn, awarded with the chance to down a gallon worth of fluid that tastes like "unsweetened Gatorade" but not before I remain on a liquid diet for the day and then wait, without food or water, the following day to have a probe inserted in my rectum at 1:00 in the afternoon. Can you tell I'm looking forward to it?

Between this, the never-ending winter, my almost 8 year old who can never seem to remember anything we ask him to do, and my demanding 2 year old, I need a vacation. Or a bottle of tequila and a Vicodin. Or maybe just Spring. Is that too much to ask?