Where my friends at?

Jim and I, on almost a weekly basis, lament the fact that we "have no friends". This of course is not entirely true. We both have groups of friends from high school we spend time with on a fairly regular basis. And we have mutual college friends who we only keep in touch with on Facebook but mostly as a result of geographic proximity to one another. 

So here is our personal ad for our NEW friends:

Married White Heterosexual Couple seeking another married couple (with no preference to race, ethnicity, or sexual orientation) in local area who is looking for a good time. Couple must have children, preferably boys, one who is in grade school and the other, a toddler. Couple should enjoy great food and drinks without passing judgement on how much of either is consumed. Additionally, one member of the couple should work full time and enjoy sports, video gaming, and playing guitar and the other one should be a stay-at-home parent who likes yoga, cooking, and fucking around on the computer instead of doing housework. Ideally, our couple will be well educated but not arrogant, financially stable but not too wealthy or too poor, open minded but not so much so that they freak our kids out, think that Fox News and the Tea Party are destroying our country and that God, if he does exist, thinks all of life is just one big practical joke. 

 Am I being too picky? 

But seriously, THIS. This is why it is so hard for people in their thirties to make new friends. Why do we have all these requirements? Why was it so much easier when we were younger to meet new people? Sure, some are just realistic because it's much easier to get to know someone when they have similar, relateable interests. And it sure doesn't hurt when our kids can play together without destroying each other or our houses so we can have some time to think and act like adults. 

Maybe it's because we don't have the energy or patience that is required to cultivate new friendships, so the first time a hint of discord comes up between the families, we give up. We throw in the towel and say "Oh, they must not be worth spending our precious little free time on". So instead, we end up spending that time alone. We certainly make allowances for family, despite the fact that they often do not fit into our ideal couple/family image. And we make time for old friends in the same way. Why can't we do it for new ones?

Anyone want to be our friend?

Lame stuff old people (and me) talk about

So I haven't written anything in a while because when you are in the midst of a ceaseless illness that you down right refuse to see anyone in the medical profession about, you don't really feel like sharing. Well today, my friends, I put on my big girl panties and when to see the gastroenterologist. And was, in turn, awarded with the chance to down a gallon worth of fluid that tastes like "unsweetened Gatorade" but not before I remain on a liquid diet for the day and then wait, without food or water, the following day to have a probe inserted in my rectum at 1:00 in the afternoon. Can you tell I'm looking forward to it?

Between this, the never-ending winter, my almost 8 year old who can never seem to remember anything we ask him to do, and my demanding 2 year old, I need a vacation. Or a bottle of tequila and a Vicodin. Or maybe just Spring. Is that too much to ask?

16 years together. 10 years of marriage. 2 kids.

I am not the mushy type. I have no advice about marriage. I cannot wax philosophically about how love conquers all. Staying in a relationship with someone for a long time is hard work, especially when you have two little humans that rely on you for everything. 

Thankfully, my father did have some advice for me on the eve of my wedding. He wrote me an email that he sent from his work that I wish I still had. But I remember that he told me that he admired the love Jim and I had for each other. He assured me that since Jim and I had made it through my accident with our relationship intact, every other struggle would pale in comparison.  

Since then, we have faced many other challenges, but we have done it together. There is no one I'd rather have spent the last sixteen (and one half!) years with. Happy anniversary, buddy.

Fall 1997. I'm not sure that Jim was legally drinking that beer.

Jim actually graduates from college. May 1998.

My 21st birthday. Jim was a saint, I was not. Dec 1998.

Disney World. 1999.

Seaside Heights. Summer 2000.

We just got hitched! Jan 2004.

Honeymoon in Cancun. Feb 2004. 

With Tommy at Chris & Elaine's wedding. 2006.

Avalon 2009.

Easter 2012

Fall 2013

Helping Nick talk: Change is hard

Pediatrician: How is Nick doing with his talking?
Me: He has about two dozen words most of which only I can understand.
Pediatrician: At his age, he should be understood by people AT LEAST half of the time. You should call Early Intervention.

At that was it. Nick's referral. I knew it was coming but I so desperately wanted to keep putting it off. Even though in my previous work I had helped other parents through the early intervention process and I personally had done it with Tommy, I kept procrastinating. I was sure he'd get better on his own or with my continued assistance. But you know what I realized? He won't, because other than him getting older, no other variable would change. His delays, although small, could snowball into a larger and more serious problem unless we introduced new ideas into his environment now.

In short, we are both going to have to change. And change can be hard.

With trepidation, I welcomed the therapists from early intervention into our house today. Through their evaluation process, they determined that he knows his shapes, can match colors, and pick an object out of a group of items when asked to do so. He can kick a ball and jump getting both feet off the ground. He can put little tiny objects into a little tiny opening of a bottle. He uses a fork to feed himself and drinks from an open cup.

But he didn't use an intelligible word the entire time they were here except for "BYE!", which was basically his way of saying "get the hell out of my house". The occupational therapist thinks he has low oral muscle tone which could explain not only his lack of verbal communication, but also his frequent drooling and desire to chew on items. They already warned me that they want me to take away his pacifier, even though he only uses it for sleep. The therapist says ever time he uses it, his mouth "resets" itself.

I explained to them that he never really liked his binkie as an infant. He never slept and I never slept. Once I weaned him from his bottle at 12 months old, he went straight for his pacifier and started sleeping wonderfully. I asked them if they knew what it felt like to not sleep more than 4-5 hours at a time at night for ONE YEAR? Or to expect to get simple chores done or time for yourself during the day only to be interrupted by an baby who naps for no longer than 45 minutes? Although sympathetic, they did not waiver. Change is hard.

In addition to low oral muscle tone, Nick needs STRONG encouragement to attend to and cooperate with activities he is not interested in doing at the moment. I thought all toddlers behaved like this but come to find out that with both my boys, they are more strong willed than most. And as a result, I have probably accommodated Nick's wishes too often as means of avoiding a meltdown from him or given him something too quickly without demanding a verbal request from him. I said to the therapists... its funny that as a parent of an infant, you are always trying so hard to assess and attend to your baby's needs as quickly as possible. But once they become a toddler, you are expected to reverse your behavior to encourage independence and allow them to satisfy their needs on their own or ask for assistance. Although sympathetic, they did not wavier. Change is hard.

I know that Nicholas' speech delay and behavioral issues are small and with minimal assistance and intervention, will most likely be resolved. But I am envious of parents of typically developing children because this. is. hard. And for those of you who have children with more challenging delays and disabilities, I salute you. You have to change your whole life to do what is best for your child. Because ignoring it is not an option.

I will have no other resolutions this year but to make the changes I need to to help Nick talk.

2014: The Year of the Pickle

Nick is two years old today. He had a birthday party and wants to tell you about it...

There is a ball pit in my house!

Is this how you do it? 

Maybe this?

It needs some milk.

Mom decorated. She is on Pinterest WAY too much.

They tell me I am two.

My GG watching me with my red balloon.

My bro. He can get crazy sometimes.

My cousin Ellie plays keep away.

My cousins Dean and Rhys really liked my house.

My family from Vermont gave me a parachute!

Aliens in Underpants is a definite read.

Oooooo. Little people trucks.

My Birthday Cake

I'm not to sure about this.

Okay. Dad's here.

Yum. I will eat the whole thing.

My cousin Jimmy & Bro Tommy

This guy is cool. I let him borrow my car.

Ellie wants a picture with me. I want to eat cake.

My Aunt Mandy (my cousins call her the Monster!)

My Mom asked if I like my birthday party and I said "Yeah".